so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did i just pee glitter
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
