need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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