Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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