just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
