She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
