Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
