All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
