Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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