I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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