Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
