I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
