shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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