I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
