He is an equal opportunity slut.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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