Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
