I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
