Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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