I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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