just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think people are normalizing furries
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
