I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
