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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Randomize
