Yo dont text me then not text me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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