Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
