U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
