I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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