I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
