So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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