Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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