If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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