he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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