just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
