Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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