All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize