There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
