i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
