It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
