How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
