its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think i scared a bird with my dick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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