sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
