I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
