he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
