I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
