I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
