Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
