my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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