i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
