no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
