i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dicks are not precious.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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