I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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