Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
