The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
