she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
