Yo dont text me then not text me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
