He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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