I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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