have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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