what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
