feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ugly people sure do ruin things
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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