Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
