who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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