Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
