Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
