what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
