No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
