Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You ate ashes out of my bong
My vagina just clenched in fear
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
