how can u be prego again
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She tied me up with her honor cords...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
