one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
