I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
