ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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