I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
