I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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