He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
