It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
