is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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