I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
