You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
